I just talked about the perfect lil house for me last night. I finally got in touch with my realtor tonight. Unfortunately, it looks like I will not be able to get it. She is putting a call in to see if they will accept my FHA funding instead of the conventional/cash funding they are asking for. I need to call the mortgage company that I have been dealing with tomorrow and see if I can get pre-approved. I'm scared... I guess the waiting game begins. If I can get approved for funding, with or without a co-signer, the bank selling the home agrees to accept FHA, then I will be going to do a showing at the house on Saturday. If not, well...... I don't know. There really isn't an option for me right now. I really am ready to move out, back on my own, but I'm not sure home ownership is going to be the move I make. I'm a little bit bummed tonight.
Now, on to the WLJ part of my life. Since I have been sick this week, I have been chowing down on my comfort foods, pizza and mexican food have been 7 of my meals this week, I haven't eaten any breakfast because of my nausea in the mornings, BUT I can say this, my water in take has been fantastic! I have been so dehydrated with fever that I have been sucking down liquids like crazy. I fell off the wagon this week, I didn't track a single bite of food during my week 11 of WW. I did do a peek at the scale tonight (big no no) but my weight tonight showed a 1 lbs loss. I have hope for my weigh in in the morning. My weight is always less in the morning from the previous night, so I am extremely hopeful that even though I faltered this week that I may still see an average loss for me.
The last 3 weeks of my journey have been very difficult for me. There are days when I just want to give up and say screw it, I'm meant to be fat... Then I get into a kick to where I am soooo motivated its crazy. I haven't been to the gym in a week except to tan. I am hoping that it's not my motivation failing me, but that I'm truly using the "I'm so stuffed up I can't breathe" as a valid excuse.
Right now at this moment, I have this urge to RUN!!! I can not run, I've never been a runner, but I watched this weeks episode of BL and watching Courtney run like she does, knowing what her weight was when she started, and her weight now being close to mine, it just encourages me that I CAN! I hope I keep this thought, but as soon as my head clears up and I can breathe normal, I want to start the C25K. I have the program on my phone so it will tell me when to run and when to walk, but I have this fear in my head that people at the gym will be staring at the fat girl, that they will be making fun of me, that I will fail and everyone will see. I honestly don't know how to change my thought process on this.
I've got such a long way to go, but when I look at where I was almost 3 months ago, I'm doing it, I really am doing it. My weight loss goal is a total of 130lbs, and I'm almost at 25lbs... I will be at that 25lb mark within the next two week, and I will be at 20% of my goal... If I can keep my momentum up, if I can keep my healthy 2lbs/week pace, if I don't cave to my brain telling me I can't... in ONE YEAR just one more year, I will be at goal, I will be running 5k's, I will be healthy, and I will have achieved a weight that I haven't seen since I was a senior in high school.
My brain is so full of mixed emotions right now about everything, I can't tell if I'm being a Debbie Downer, or if I'm truly trying to psyche myself up! I guess only time will tell.
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