getting back into the groove...

I haven't been following my new lifestyle plan very well lately. I have sat back and watched the scale bobble up and down. Well guess what! I am tired of my self pity party, and I am back on track, or at least in the right direction to be on track. As of this morning I hit the 32 lb loss mark! (shhh it was a sneak peek from actual weigh in Thursday).

Here is my 28 lb loss before and after, lets hope I can figure out how to post it! LOL

Yay! It worked! Tonight, I also had dad do a full body length reinactment of a photo taken of me back in August when I was at top weight, before I decided to make a change in December. Now, I just have to wait for him to send me the pics! LOL

I'm in a particularly good mood tonight, which is great, it's been a while since I have been.

when will it end...

So, I guess I got dumped. It's hard to say for sure, but I'm thinking its over. He was acting strange last week, he quit texting me during the day, and our phone conversations in the evening were only a couple minutes long. I talked to him Friday night, he seemed fine, said he was tired and that he was going to bed. I said good night, call me tomorrow, he said he would. Well, it's now 3 days later and I have yet to hear from him. He didn't respond to either of my two texts I sent him, nor returned my phone call this afternoon.

Since I met him online, on a dating website, I decided tonight to log in and see if his account was active. Sure enough, he was online there. I sent him a text telling him that if he was done with us that he could at least give me the courtesy of a phone call saying so. I mean HELLO, you are 37 years old, you would think you would know how to act like an adult by now. I guess not, so since he isn't responding to me at all, I think it's fair to assume that I'm single again. Oh well, I'll mail him a picture of me in a year when I get close to goal and tell him to eat his effin heart out! I'm gonna be one hott babe and he will just have to cry about it! LOL

It still sucks though, we've been together about 4 months now, so it's not like it's a new relationship, but at the same time, it was never super serious. I honestly was starting to have doubts that he was the "one" for me, but I liked him enough to see where we could go with each other. I guess my mind has been made up for me.

the funk...

I weighed in on Thursday, after being sick for a week, then not quite back to myself the next week, I had quit tracking and slacked off at the gym (4 activity points earned in 2 weeks, bad...). I was lucky with the fact that my horrible eating habits had only given me a .2 lb gain. This was my first gain since I joined Weight Watchers 3 months ago, and I was seriously bummed! This threw me into a funk. I was so depressed that I began to eat EVERYTHING! I couldn't stop myself. I was making myself go to the gym daily, but after having a 50 point day on Thursday, followed by a 81 point day Friday, I just knew I needed to snap out of it. I ran out of weekly points and even though I have been earning activity points, I was still in the red.

I made it known publicly (WW message boards, and to my fitness buddies on FB) that I was in a bad place and I needed the accountability to get out of the funk. Admitting to the "world" that I was so off track seemed to do the trick. I have been back on plan for 2 days now, and today marked my 5th day in a row of hitting the gym. I even stepped out of my comfort zone tonight and attempted the eliptical machine again. I haven't been on it for 6 weeks since I joined the gym. My first attempt with it, I was only able to last 1.5 minutes before I thought I was dying. Tonight, 6 weeks later and a much stronger heart, I was able to last 5 minutes and 27 seconds before thinking I was dying and that I just couldn't handle it anymore. Once I hopped off, I did a slow walk around to lower my heart rate to a safer level and got on the bike and did a new routine, but maintained my normal time.

I feel incredible tonight, my legs are like jello, and my body hurts, but I'm just so invigorated! I'm back on track and so much happier with myself right now. I know it's a long shot with all of the crap I started my week off with, but I am hoping to see a loss this week. I am only 3.4 lbs away from my 10% goal, I am so close that I can taste it! Victory will be mine! I can't wait to post progress pics once I hit the 10% to see if I can tell a difference.

what a lucky woman...

I had a great weekend! Saturday morning my friend and went to the River Center where they were having a Women's Health and Wellness fair with all proceeds going to the Susan G. Komen foundation. It was fun, we spent a couple hours there, then went to the Olive Garden for lunch. YUM!!! I had the Asiago Ravioli with Chicken in a yummy white sauce.

Saturday night I headed up to the farm. Well... the LONG straight-a-way between Cordova and Albany did it to me again... flying down the highway, not realizing how fast I was going and passed a cop. He pulled a U-turn and hit his lights... Man, I was making good time too was all I could think. I knew I was busted, I figured I was doing about 10 mph over. So he comes up to my window.

"License and insurance card please. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Speeding..." with the awe man I got caught tone.
"Are you aware of your speed?"
"Ummm.. I'm guessing 65ish, but I wasn't watching it."
"72... give me a minute I need to run these." and walks back to his car.
So there I am sitting there waiting, trying to decide how much a ticket for 17 mph over the speed limit was going to cost me... 10 minutes later he comes back. He hands me my license back and flips open his book and starts to tear the paper out.
"So, can you please do me a favor tonight?" I nod "Will you slow down?"
I nod again waiting for the ticket.
"I'm giving you a written warning tonight, but just slow down!!!" Then he winked!

Thank you very cute police officer for not giving me a ticket! If I was single I might have asked you for your phone number, well, I would have thought about it, not sure if I would have the courage to do so LOL! There was more to the conversation that we had, but that was the only talk that pertained to me being pulled over. The rest was small chat while he looked over my insurance card and finished writing up the warning.
 
After I got to the farm we went out to dinner with Chad's family for his mom's birthday. I wasn't feeling well, so I didn't have much fun. After dinner we headed to a little shit-hole bar, they were having a Mardi Gras party. It was packed, the DJ was too loud and it was soooo hot in there. I finally had to excuse myself from the family and go sit outside. Luckily everyone decided to migrate down the road to a less crowded bar. Now this place is my kind of bar, most of the time at least. It's a quiet place. I started feeling better while we were there and I was able to have a good time.

Nothing exciting happened today. I made some turkey burgers for dinner. They are so yummy! I'll have to post the recipe later when I'm not so tired! I am officially off to bed now though!

shopaholic today...

So today I finally had, had it with my jeans. They had gotten to be way too big on me to the point where my belt didn't even want to hold them up anymore. I got off work at 4pm and didn't have to be anywhere until 6:15, so I headed out to the mall. I stopped at Gordman's first. I went straight to the jeans, grabbed two pairs that were two sizes smaller than the ones I had on. I went to the fitting room, almost expecting to be a little pissed off because they didn't fit. Boy was I wrong! Two sizes smaller than my jeans fit perfectly!!! I have never ever been able to walk into a store, grab items off the rack and everything fit on the first attempt. I'm usually so pissed by the time I'm done shopping that I cry. I was so excited that both pairs of jeans fit that I bought them both! haha! Yay!

After my Uncle's surprise birthday party, I decided that I wasn't done shopping, that I needed a new shirt to go with my new jeans! I headed out to Kohl's. I've always had a hard time finding clothes there, but I had already been to all the other "plus" size stores in the mall, so I sort of felt like this was my last option. I've always found in the past that their clothes in the larger sizes are very old ladyish, well, an older style than I wear anyways. I did some browsing and decided screw it, I want to be fashionable for my age, so I headed over to the smaller clothes. I found a couple shirts in 1X and headed to the fitting room... HOLY HELL!!! THEY FIT!!!! Oh, and they don't just fit, they look AMAZING on me!!! I can't wait to wear a new outfit! I told my boyfriend that I can't wait til he sees me in my new clothes because I look hott! haha!

Tomorrow my friend and I are going to attend a Women's Health and Fitness fair. I don't exactly know what its all about, but it's only $1 to get in and all proceeds go to the Susan G. Komen foundation. Maybe they will have a booth set up so I can register for the 5k on June 11th. I'm hoping that I can get a huge group of people to walk with me this year. We had a fairly good size group last year, but we had nasty storms that day and after sitting in the bus depot for a couple hours they finally canceled the race. I was so out of shape and dreading the pain after the race that I didn't mind, but this year, I can do a 5k no problem!!!

why i want to be healthier...

My reasons for wanting to be healthier (& skinnier) range from super serious to silly:

~I want to be a size 10... I haven't been a size 10 since the 5th Grade I believe.
~If/when I ever get married and want to start a family, I want to have a happy healthy pregnancy.
~I want to RUN!!! I'd like to run 5k races with my Dad.
~I want to feel like a hottie!
~Maybe someday I could wear a bikini for the first time ever! (long shot, but we'll see!)
~I don't want to be squished in booths at restaurants anymore!
~I want to be able to shop for clothing in the normal section, can we say bye-bye plus size sections (eventually!)
~I'd like to be able to wear super cute/hott shoes without my feet being too fat for them.
~Oh... to wear shorts again... Hell, just to be able to find a pair that fits me!
~To gain the pride of knowing that I was capable of losing 130+ lbs!!! That will be an ultimate reward to a smart choice I made in changing my life for the good!

I guess this is all I can think of now, but I'm sure I'll be back to add to it.

i knew it....

Well... like I said last night, something ALWAYS happens when I fall in love with a listing. First of all the sellers can not do FHA financing because the garage roof is in very poor condition, it's a short sale, so the bank is involved and they won't put any money into it. Secondly, I talked to the mortgage lady... she really is kick ass and so no bull shit kinda woman, she tells you how it is and what needs done to fix it. She denied me on my pre-approval today. My credit score was just shy of the minimum her finance companies will accept. She told me a couple things I could do to fix it and told me to call her back in June and I should be good to go for a mortgage.


On the plus side of things, this will give me at least 3 more months to pay off my unwanted debt, and also give me a chance to save even more money... I figure at the rate I'm going, I might have a house by July... well that is if I find one I like once I'm approved LOL!

On a more positive note, today is Thursday which means weigh in day!!! I was sick all week, did not track, and did not go to the gym. I ate way too much crap and was hoping for a loss, but expecting a gain. Well, to my surprise, I came in with a loss of 3.2 lbs which put me over the 25 lb mark, and only 3.2 lbs away from my 10% goal... I am just so amazed at how WW is changing my life. I never believed that it could work, I thought people were wasting their money, and even after I joined, I was still skeptical. This really really really does work though, I'm just amazed!

and life goes on...

I just talked about the perfect lil house for me last night. I finally got in touch with my realtor tonight. Unfortunately, it looks like I will not be able to get it. She is putting a call in to see if they will accept my FHA funding instead of the conventional/cash funding they are asking for. I need to call the mortgage company that I have been dealing with tomorrow and see if I can get pre-approved. I'm scared... I guess the waiting game begins. If I can get approved for funding, with or without a co-signer, the bank selling the home agrees to accept FHA, then I will be going to do a showing at the house on Saturday. If not, well...... I don't know. There really isn't an option for me right now. I really am ready to move out, back on my own, but I'm not sure home ownership is going to be the move I make. I'm a little bit bummed tonight.

Now, on to the WLJ part of my life. Since I have been sick this week, I have been chowing down on my comfort foods, pizza and mexican food have been 7 of my meals this week, I haven't eaten any breakfast because of my nausea in the mornings, BUT I can say this, my water in take has been fantastic! I have been so dehydrated with fever that I have been sucking down liquids like crazy. I fell off the wagon this week, I didn't track a single bite of food during my week 11 of WW. I did do a peek at the scale tonight (big no no) but my weight tonight showed a 1 lbs loss. I have hope for my weigh in in the morning. My weight is always less in the morning from the previous night, so I am extremely hopeful that even though I faltered this week that I may still see an average loss for me.

The last 3 weeks of my journey have been very difficult for me. There are days when I just want to give up and say screw it, I'm meant to be fat... Then I get into a kick to where I am soooo motivated its crazy. I haven't been to the gym in a week except to tan. I am hoping that it's not my motivation failing me, but that I'm truly using the "I'm so stuffed up I can't breathe" as a valid excuse.

Right now at this moment, I have this urge to RUN!!! I can not run, I've never been a runner, but I watched this weeks episode of BL and watching Courtney run like she does, knowing what her weight was when she started, and her weight now being close to mine, it just encourages me that I CAN! I hope I keep this thought, but as soon as my head clears up and I can breathe normal, I want to start the C25K. I have the program on my phone so it will tell me when to run and when to walk, but I have this fear in my head that people at the gym will be staring at the fat girl, that they will be making fun of me, that I will fail and everyone will see. I honestly don't know how to change my thought process on this.

I've got such a long way to go, but when I look at where I was almost 3 months ago, I'm doing it, I really am doing it. My weight loss goal is a total of 130lbs, and I'm almost at 25lbs... I will be at that 25lb mark within the next two week, and I will be at 20% of my goal... If I can keep my momentum up, if I can keep my healthy 2lbs/week pace, if I don't cave to my brain telling me I can't... in ONE YEAR just one more year, I will be at goal, I will be running 5k's, I will be healthy, and I will have achieved a weight that I haven't seen since I was a senior in high school.

My brain is so full of mixed emotions right now about everything, I can't tell if I'm being a Debbie Downer, or if I'm truly trying to psyche myself up! I guess only time will tell.

just another day...

What a crappy week so far! I am about over this head cold. I have officially run out of kleenex and have resorted to using a roll of toilet paper instead of going to the store to buy more. Call it lazy if you will LOL, but I already spent plenty of time and money at the grocery store for today.

On a happier note, my realtor has me in the system to send me email notifications of houses being listed or price changes in my area within in my price range. I got an automated email from her today on a house I was looking at last fall which disappeared off the market. I talked to my mom about it and she told me to book a showing!!! I'm not exactly ready to buy at this moment, but if I play my cards right, it just may work out!

In all honesty, I just need out of this house. I am 28 years old and tired of living with my parents. When I moved back in last November, I anticipated 6 months to a year back here before I moved on. I'm at 4 months and I'm really seriously done with it. I need to grow up, I need to quit piggy backing on my parents. They love me and will do anything for me, which is great, but really... it's time for me to be a grown up, to face life head on, to deal with my own mistakes, and quit running back to mom and dad for rescuing all the time.

Ok, so back to the house! Its a CUTE gray/white vinyl sided 1 1/2 story house, it's 2 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, full basement, formal dining, and laundry on the upper level, so NO walking 2 flights of stairs to the basement to do laundry!!! The people selling it bought it to flip it and ran out of money in the process and can no longer keep up the payments. They have completely redone everything but the kitchen, and the 1/2 bath on the main level (which currently doesn't work at all). The living room has brand new carpet and the formal dining room and 2 bedrooms all have refinished dark stained wood flooring. The master bedroom has a stained glass window. It also has a 2 car detached garage out back off the ally, and a parking slab out front off the main street. It has a nice sized open front porch that would be perfect for a swing, and it has a small enclosed 3 season porch on the rear.

Finances would be cutting it close, but I could always look into renting the spare bedroom to someone, or finally force myself to look for a 2nd job (last resort LOL).

I know I shouldn't get so excited over this, I have an email into my realtor to set up a time to go see it, and with my luck with houses over the last year, something will go wrong and I will not buy it. This is the 5th house I've found that I absolutely could see myself living in, the other 4 just didn't work out for one reason or another.

:) Okies, time to end my rambling and think about bed. Nyquil and Tylenol then BED!!!